


The Sins of Mothers

by faithinthepoor



Series: Once Upon a Time [29]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-28
Updated: 2013-05-28
Packaged: 2017-12-13 06:05:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/820893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faithinthepoor/pseuds/faithinthepoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set following The Miller's Daughter</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sins of Mothers

**Author's Note:**

> In my series this follows my [Fairytale Drabbles](http://archiveofourown.org/works/618763), [Mirror Mirror](http://archiveofourown.org/works/618771), [This Provincial Life](http://archiveofourown.org/works/618775), [Viviane or Nimue](http://archiveofourown.org/works/618809), [Dreams and Wishes](http://archiveofourown.org/works/618851), [All the Better To….](http://archiveofourown.org/works/619484), [Magic Keys](http://archiveofourown.org/works/619497), [Curiouser and Curiouser](http://archiveofourown.org/works/619514), [Snow Blind](http://archiveofourown.org/works/620280), [Spinning Straw](http://archiveofourown.org/works/620288), [Wooden Hearts](http://archiveofourown.org/works/621128), [Poisoned](http://archiveofourown.org/works/622526), [True Love and Other Curses](http://archiveofourown.org/works/625038), [Spellbound](http://archiveofourown.org/works/628806), [Over the Rainbow](http://archiveofourown.org/works/630076), [Facades](http://archiveofourown.org/works/632227), [Lost Girls](http://archiveofourown.org/works/636939), [Monstrosities](http://archiveofourown.org/works/640162), [Love and Lies](http://archiveofourown.org/works/652912), [Something Wicked this Way Comes](http://archiveofourown.org/works/665458), [Dreamscapes](http://archiveofourown.org/works/672345), [Homecomings](http://archiveofourown.org/works/676052), [Test Match](http://archiveofourown.org/works/682287), [Wishful Thinking](http://archiveofourown.org/works/697330), [Absent Friends](http://archiveofourown.org/works/771482), [Small Mercies](http://archiveofourown.org/works/773663), [State of Mind](http://archiveofourown.org/works/778498) and [Good Intentions](http://archiveofourown.org/works/802589)

The room feels still, it feels empty, as she tiptoes across it. She makes her way to the bed thinking that she is doing things backwards. She is usually sneaking out of her own home, not sneaking into this one, but it turns out that for once it wasn’t necessary to use stealth to leave Mary Margaret’s. She could have exited in the wake of a marching band and her parents would not have noticed. They were far too wrapped up in their own pain to care about her actions. 

David was coddling Mary Margaret like she was a child and the sight of it made Emma sick to her stomach. She doesn’t understand why these people are so revered. Mary Margaret should not be treated like a child. Murder is an adult crime and it requires an adult punishment. Emma knows that that won’t happen, that Mary Margaret won’t be sentenced. Somehow things never work out as they should with these people. Mary Margaret might be suffering now but she will be redeemed sooner rather than later and everyone will rejoice. No one will even think about the person who paid the price for Mary Margaret’s actions. No one but Emma.

She reaches the bed and carefully lifts the covers up in order to crawl under them. The occupant of the bed is lying on her side, facing the other wall, and gives no indication that she is aware of Emma’s presence. Emma slides across the bed so that she can spoon Regina, a protective arm wrapping around Regina’s midsection. She thought Regina would try to push her away but Regina doesn’t do that. She doesn’t do anything at all.

“It’s okay,” she plants a kiss in Regina’s hair. “I don’t expect anything. I just wanted to be here with you.”

Regina doesn’t answer. Emma splays the fingers that are resting of Regina’s stomach, trying to cover as much of Regina as she possibly can. Regina grabs the hand and drags it down her body, forcing it below her pyjama bottoms. Regina holds Emma’s wrist in a vice like grip as she grinds roughly against Emma’s fingers. 

It takes some effort but Emma manages to wrestle her arm free and return it to Regina’s middle, pinning Regina against her. “We are not going to be doing that tonight.”

Regina apparently doesn’t want to take no for an answer. She rubs her ass against Emma and in a sultry voice says, “But you know you want to. You always want me.”

“That’s never a problem,” she tries to keep the desire out of her voice, “but this is not a night for that.”

“Emma, I need you.”

“And I’m here for you, just not in that way.”

Rage burns through Regina’s body. Emma can literally feel it heating Regina’s skin. “If you are not going to do the one thing that you are good at then get the fuck out of my bed! Get out my house! Get out of my life!”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Emma tightens her hold on Regina.

“You will do as I say,” Regina’s tone holds no room for argument but Emma argues nonetheless.

“I am not leaving you.”

“I said get out!” Regina screams. 

Purple mist pours out of Regina and envelopes Emma in a cocoon. She can feel it pulling at her as though it’s trying to drag her away. Her body seems to be resisting, it is humming with energy, it’s vibrating of its on accord. The mist continues to pull at her and her body continues to fight. The pressure is incredible, she doesn’t now how to contain it and it just keeps building. Emma doesn’t understand what is happening but she knows that it can’t be good. She feels like her body is about to explode. 

In a way her fear is valid because something does explode, it’s just not Emma. There is a boom, like a clap of thunder, and then the room flashes with blinding white light. When Emma can see again the mist is gone and Regina is shaking in her arms. 

“What the hell just happened?” confusion has lessened Regina’s anger ever so slightly.

“I don’t really know,” Emma confesses. “I just knew I couldn’t let you go.”

“Fuck you and your saviour magic you little bitch. I swear I will end you. You will rue the day that you met me.”

Emma doesn’t respond and when both magic and cruelty fail Regina turns to brute force. She tries to pry Emma’s arm off her but Emma clings tightly. Regina bucks in the embrace, clawing at Emma’s arm and kicking at Emma’s shins. Emma grabs Regina and turns her around. She holds Regina firmly as Regina wails and screams and bangs her fists into Emma’s chest.

She doesn’t try to stop Regina. She holds firm as Regina spits and bites and hisses. She grimaces at the injuries Regina is causing, imagining the bruises that she will soon be sporting, but otherwise she makes no complaint. She simply does her best to make soothing noises and periodically kiss Regina’s forehead. 

Eventually the storm passes and Regina stills her arms. “I hate you,” Regina says as she clings desperately to Emma’s neck.

“No you don’t,” Emma kisses Regina’s forehead again, “but it’s ok if you do today.”

“I do hate you today,” the anger has faded and there is only sadness in Regina’s voice. “I hate everyone today.”

“You are totally allowed to do that,” Emma tells her.

“Yes I am,” Regina insists, “so stop making it hard to hate you.”

“I can’t help it if I’m irresistible.” She drops her head to Regina’s and grins into the brunette’s hair.

“Well that statement has made you a little more hateful so I thank you for that.”

“It’s the least I can do.”

“No, the least you can do is fuck me until I hurt.”

“It’s not going to help. It’s not going to stop the pain and it might make you hate me.”

“I already hate you,” Regina spits.

“I’m hoping that is temporary problem but if we have sex now, it may not be.”

“You don’t know that for sure,” Regina kisses her way up and down Emma’s neck.

Emma can feel her body responding to Regina’s kisses but she knows she can’t allow anything to happen. “Regina we are not going to do this.”

“Don’t you want me anymore?” Regina’s eyes are full of tears and Emma has never heard her sound more vulnerable.

“It’s not that at all. I want you very much but now isn’t the time.”

“But we are so good at this and you know it.”

“Of course I know that and when the time is right we will work on being even better.”

“Impossible,” Regina huffs.

“It’s nice to know that you are confident in your skills.”

“Well no one has ever said no to me before,” there is a dangerous edge to Regina’s voice.

“I’m not saying no, I’m saying not now.”

“No one has ever said that to me either,” there is something about Regina’s delivery that is vaguely threatening.

“All the more reason for me to say no. I’m not like the others Regina. I love you. I want to do what’s best for you.”

“You do not get to decide what’s best for me.”

“Sometimes I do. That’s my job – to look out for you when you can’t look out for yourself.”

“That is most certainly not your job,” the coldness in Regina’s words sends a shiver down Emma’s spine.

“Yes it is. The same is true for you. When I’m a mess it’s your job to look after me and protect me from myself.”

“What if I don’t want that job?”

“Then you don’t feel about me that way I thought you did.”

“But it’s a really big job Emma. You are a mess most of the time,” Regina’s hold around Emma’s neck tightens but somehow it is less desperate than before. The need is definitely still there but now there is also tenderness and affection.

“Which is why I need to take advantage of this rare opportunity that has been presented to me.”

“Are you saying that I’m a mess?” Regina sounds offended.

“I’m saying that there would be something very wrong if you weren’t.”

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“Okay. I’m not asking you to do anything you don’t feel ready for but would it be all right if I said a few things.”

“Possibly,” Regina offers.

“I cast a spell today.”

“I know. I saw you do it.” Regina sounds on edge and Emma realises that she has cut too close to the bone.

“Oh, I wasn’t even talking about then. I’d forgotten about that part. I didn’t really think about it at all. It came much easier than the first time I did it.”

“Spells tend to work that way,” Regina informs her, “but Emma I don’t like the idea of you using magic.”

“I worry about that too. It was Gold who got me to cast it and I know he doesn’t have my best interests at heart.”

Regina stiffens at the mention of Gold’s name but all she says is, “Please be careful Emma.”

“I didn’t mean to talk about him. He’s not the important part. He told me that in order to make the protection spell work I needed to think about what I care about.”

“That’s pretty standard,” Regina is all business but Emma can tell she’s on edge.

“I tried to think about the people in the room, the people I was meant to be protecting, and I tried to think about Henry but it didn’t work.”

“Well something worked because there was definitely a protection spell in place.”

“You. You were what worked. The spell fell into place once I thought about you and how I didn’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

“Well you forgot about that pretty quickly. You held a knife to my throat.”

“Regina I never would have used it. You must know that.”

“I don’t know much of anything anymore,” Regina’s words would be pitiful if they weren’t true.

“It wasn’t ideal, I know that, but it was the only thing that I could think of. The only way to keep you safe.”

“Threatening my life was a way of keeping me safe?” Regina is incredulous to say the least.

“I didn’t threaten your life. Neal did that. I just tried to keep you out of harm’s way.”

“And holding a knife to my throat was the way to do that, was it?”

“Excuse me but I haven’t been in that situation before. That was most definitely the first time I’ve had to fight two women who have magic, one of whom I happen to be in love with and don’t want to fight at all. Also you told me not to talk to you, that didn’t make things any easier. I will try and do better next time.”

“You used whom,” Regina smiles up at her.

“I do try to make you happy.”

“In general you do Emma. Today’s just a bad day.”

“All round,” Emma agrees.

“I don’t know that I actually owe you an apology for this but I really couldn’t have had you talking to me during the fight. I was worried that I’d respond to your words. That I would make it obvious whose side I was really on.”

“I understand,” and in a way she does, it was not easy for either of them to be placed in the situation where they were forced to be on opposite sides, “but Regina there is something I need to ask you.”

“You can ask,” Regina tells her when Emma doesn’t proceed straight to the question, “but I can’t promise to answer.”

“When I cast the spell I felt something. Not just the power of the spell or the warmth of protecting you, something else.”

“Go on.”

“This is embarrassing but I felt, well I felt….” she’s not sure she can say it. She knows so little about magic but she does know that Regina worries about her using it and she doesn’t want to admit to something that would make her a freak in Regina’s eyes.

“Horny?” Regina asks

“Incredibly,” Emma admits.

“I could feel it when you grabbed me. I could feel your magic and I could feel your desire. I could smell it. I could taste it. To be honest I wasn’t at all worried about the knife but I was very worried about what you magic was doing to my body. I wanted you so badly, more than I’ve ever want you before. I was terrified. I was certain that Mother would sense it. That she would know. I guess that doesn’t matter anymore,” she sounds as bitter as she is sad and for the first time since Emma has arrived tears fall.

Emma rolls onto her back and pulls Regina on top of her. She pats Regina’s back and weaves a hand into her hair. “I’d tell you that it’s going to be all right but that would be a lie.”

“I know but just this once I’d be okay if you lied to me.”

“I won’t do that but I can try and distract you.”

“I don’t think that’s possible, unless you’ve changed your mind about sex.”

“Nice try Regina but no dice. I’m sure there are other ways to distract you.”

“Well then Miss Swan, give it your best shot.”

“What I felt when I cast the spell is that, well, is that normal?”

“To feel powerful? Absolutely. It’s one of the reasons that magic is so dangerous.”

“Not just the power. The other bit.”

“The desire?”

“Yes, that. Is that normal?”

“Completely.”

“Oh thank Christ for that. I was worried that I might be some sort of pervert and that I’d disgust you.”

“I’m not disgusted. Quite the opposite in fact. I’ve always found you sexy and I found the idea of you having magic sexier still. Now that I’ve felt it first hand it’s even better than I could have ever imagined but Emma this conversation really isn’t helpful. It’s down right cruel if you’re not planning to put out.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be insensitive,” she hesitates because it’s unfair to continue on this topic but she really has to know, “but are you saying we could combine magic and sex?” 

“Are you saying you think we shouldn’t?” Regina looks at her like there is something wrong with her.

“You’re the one that says I shouldn’t use magic. That it’s too risky.”

“And it is. I mean that but I also think we’d be idiots if we looked this particular gift horse in the mouth. In general I’d regret it if I made you use magic but when it comes to this particular magic I’d regret it more if you didn’t use it. It would be so good. We could do it right now, if you’d rethink your ban on sex.”

“It’s not a ban, it’s a raincheck.”

“And just how long will this raincheck last?” Regina asks as she moves a hand down to Emma’s chest. Emma can feel Regina’s magic firing into her body.

She closes her eyes and grits her teeth and waits of her body to calm down before she answers. “I don’t know. I know that the answer is not tonight.”

“Spoilsport.” Regina mumbles. 

“Yes, I know, it’s terrible to have someone who cares about you.”

Regina sighs but she moves to rest her head on Emma’s shoulder. She stays like that for a long time, allowing Emma to stroke her hair. Emma is convinced that Regina has fallen asleep so she is surprised when Regina asks, “Emma?”

“Mmmmmm.”

“I know I was pissed off earlier but I did know you wouldn’t have hurt me with the knife. It wasn’t just your libido I could feel. I could your fear and I could feel your love.”

“I just wanted to protect you. I don’t always show it, or get it right, but all I ever want to do is protect you and keep you safe.

“What do you know about how my mother died?”

“Not much,” she admits.

“I killed her,” Regina says in a voice that is alarmingly hollow.

“I don’t understand,” Emma is genuinely shocked. “From the way David was carrying on over Mary Margaret I assumed she must have killed her. I didn’t know you’d done that. I can only imagine how terrible that must have been for you.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose. Snow appeared with my mother’s heart. I thought Snow was controlling her and I couldn’t let that happen, my mother was too dangerous to control but it wasn’t just that. It’s stupid but I knew how angry being controlled would make her and I wanted to make Mother happy. I wanted to make her proud, so I put her heart back in her chest.” Regina pauses, choking back sobs.

“What happened then?” The details Regina has given are distressing but they are not fatal.

When Regina finally manages to regain her composure, she continues. “The heart had been spelled. Snow spelled it so it would kill my mother once it was inserted. She knew that and she let me put it in. As usual Snow will come out of this smelling like a rose. She will be heralded as the hero but she is no hero. She never has been. She let me kill my mother and because of that I want to rip her fucking limbs from her fucking body.”

Emma doesn’t tell Regina that what she is thinking is wrong. Not for the first time she is forced to wonder how it is that her parents are the good guys. “I wouldn’t blame you,” she tells Regina. She feels like she owes Regina that. Her mother has wronged Regina in a grievous way and Regina deserves retribution. Emma doesn’t like the thought of what that retribution will do to Regina but right now she is also sickened by the thought that Mary Margaret is at home being comforted by David rather than being punished for her behaviour. 

“I won’t hurt her; I won’t do that to you,” Regina informs her.

“This isn’t about me.”

“She’s your mother. What she did to me was unforgivable but she is your mother. I can’t bring my mother back and I won’t take yours from you.”

“I don’t want to have to have anything to do with her. What she did was unforgivable.”

Regina strokes Emma’s hair, “Forgive her anyway.”

“I can’t.”

“You need to try because you never know when it’s going to be your last chance.”

“I’ll try,” Emma offers, she understands just how important this is to Regina right now.

“Good. Please do.” Regina seems more settled. “Did anyone, well did anyone tell you what she was like at the end?’

“No. Was she in a lot of pain?”

“Yes she was,” Regina sniffles. “She was also different. Different than I had ever seen her. Apparently I spent my life trying to earn the love of a woman who had no heart. Emma when she had her heart, she looked at me and she loved me. She really loved me. I could feel it. If she’d had her heart all along my life would have been so different.”

“I don’t know what to say,” and she really doesn’t. She feels incredibly uneasy.

“What can you say? There’s nothing to say. My whole life has been a lie. So much more of a lie than I ever realised. All the pain, all the suffering, everything was a lie. Not just the curse and the prophecy, every single moment. Every single thing. I’m not who I was meant to be. I was never meant to be this way. Everything I’ve done was for the wrong reasons.”

“I’m not sure I’m the one who can talk to you about this. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want you to have pain and I would have wanted young you to feel loved but if she’d been loved and cared for the way you should have been we would never have met and even if we did, we wouldn’t have be right for one another.”

“I would hope not, you would have been a child.”

“Even if I wasn’t. Even if we’d met the way we did, or at least at the age we did, you’d be different. The things that tie us, that make us work, would be gone. I want good things for you but I’m not sure that I can wish for you to have a past that means you wouldn’t be mine now. I guess that makes me a very bad person.”

“It makes you an honest person and the sad truth of my life is that it makes you the person who has loved me the most.”

“I don’t really feel like I deserve to love you. I feel bad that I don’t want better things for you. I’m not a good person. I would have had you be sad so that I can keep you”

“You are the best person I’ve ever known and you are good enough for me and that’s all that counts.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“No. No you don’t,” Regina mocks her but then her tone turns serious. “You are all I’ve got. You are the only person that has ever wanted all of me, ever loved all of me. Daniel and my father only saw the good. Everyone else only saw the evil, or at least the potential for it. ”

“I do love all of you,” Emma confirms. “I love the girl you were and the queen that followed because they made you the woman that you are. The woman that I love.”

Regina sighs softly and Emma senses that the conversation is closed for now. She kisses the crown of Regina’s head and watches Regina’s body rise and fall in small increments in parallel with Emma’s breathing. 

“Emma?” Regina asks after a while.

“Yes sweetheart.”

“Please don’t leave me tonight.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Emma holds Regina tightly and tries not to think about how close she came to not having this. So many things, most of them bad, had to align for them to be here together and it terrifies Emma how easily things could have gone astray. All it would have taken was one person who loved Regina, one person who made Regina believe that she was worth something, and the curse never would have happened. The knowledge that things could have been so different makes Regina even more precious to her. She cups Regina’s head and tells her, “I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”

“Will you be here when I wake?”

“If that’s what you want.” Regina nods. “Then I will be here,” Emma promises.

Emma thought that promise would help calm Regina but she can still feel anxiety coming off Regina in waves. “Miss Swan I need to ask you something.”

“Okay,” Emma says warily.

“I am enough for you? If there was no Henry and no magic, only me, would I be enough?”

Emma wants to dismiss Regina’s question as ridiculous but she can feel how important this is to Regina. “Regina you are more than enough. I love Henry, well at least I love him when he’s not being a little shit, and I won’t deny how much the idea of magic filled sex turns me on but those things are just a bonus. It’s you I want. You are everything to me.”

Regina doesn’t say anything. She buries herself in Emma’s arms and Emma can feel her neck and chest growing wetter and wetter. Emma lets Regina cry. There is a lot for Regina to cry about. Emma understands the pain of learning that you life was meant to be different, meant to be better. Regina needs to cry for the past that was denied her and for the future that she will never have. Emma can’t fix these things for Regina. She can only hold Regina while things are falling apart and hopefully be the one who helps Regina put them back together.


End file.
